BREAKING NEWS: Mayor Thomas Menino (Cyber-Menino) spotted in the Rose Kennedy Greenway

“Those of you living outside Allston who currently drive don’t need to panic—you WILL be forced to take mass transit to work, to or from shopping centers, or to pick up the kids. It is in your best interest to do so. Those who choose to drive can only drive to the nearest station. In other words, “The only highway that exists will be the Mass Pike.” – Cyber-Menino

November 1st, 2022

Boston, MA- Tourists along Boston’s renown Freedom Trail were treated to a once in a lifetime surprise today, when former mayor Thomas Menino materialized, as if birthed, in a eruption of sea water and sewage on Hanover St at around 1:13pm. Exiting his rat seasoned placental stew, Menino, (whose severed head floated in a jar attached to a swarthy and well toned young body), began screaming about monoliths and the annexation of New England by Allston “militants”.

After refusing to cooperate with Boston Police, Menino (dubbed by onlookers as Cyber-Menino) was escorted away from Hanover St in a squad car. Upon seeing Allston on Storrow Drive, Menino cried in agony.

“Look what you’ve done to Allston!” he wailed from the back seat of the cruiser. “The artwork! The revolutionary murals! It will never be the same!”

“I stand with the anemic!”

Cyber-Menino, November 1st 2022

Following a detour down Commonwealth Avenue, Mayor Menino’s demeanor shifted, with officers saying his prior sadness shifted toward a tangible rage.

“Oh… when is this? Fuck this city- the revolution will come in time! As long as [Bostonians] have to cross two lanes of traffic by going down two alleys and scaling a five foot tall brick wall, they can keep that shit!” Menino exclaimed.

Police confirmed that they are unsure how Menino came to be suspended in a liquid substance, as all known records point to his natural death by cancer. Menino is not the first former mayor to show up in this fashion. Former mayor Joseph Curtatone of Somerville showed up at Porter Square station in 2014, where he also reeked of sewage and sea water.

Though experts disagree on the meaning of Menino’s short lived cryptic ramblings, Menino repeatedly made reference to “Allston 3” and “Allston 4”, as if their absence in the city skyline was causing great distress.

Menino also went on to explain that he felt the Freedom Trail used to be far more pedestrian friendly, and voiced his support of pedestrians at large.

Whatever talk of revolution or urban renewal, one thing is for sure, if you see a skull floating in a jar in Boston, let it be!

This article was sourced from:

http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2016/07/29/freedomtrailcybervisitor

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/local/article123553239

https://twitter.com/bostonjunior/status/75279869117993577

http://www.bostonmagazine.com/news/2015/04/09

http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2016/07/07